THIS IS NOT YOUR BATTLE

What are you battling? Some battles are not met for you to fight. This is not referring to sweating the small things or anything on that perspective. And yes, we do tend to fight wars not worthy of battling. I am referring to major battles people tend to attempt to war against and the result is usually defeat.

Battles you cannot win. You cannot make people:

• Change. There are people who really think they can make people change. Change must come within a person, not by outside forces. You can be a positive role model or project an idealistic influence, but, at the end of the day, if the person does not want to change, they will not, no matter what you do. How many relationships have failed, because one of the partners attempted to make the person change, with guilt, manipulation or anger? If the person does change, and they are changing for you, it may be short lived.
• Listen to you. Today, it is one of the most difficult tasks to get your children to listen to you. With adults, it is even harder. It is a challenge to get people to listen, especially if it is something they do not want to hear. Even if the subject matter is something they need to hear. You may be able to plant a small seed. Hopefully, in the future, your words may come back to them. But in the meantime, your words may be blocked from their ears.
• To do something they do not really want to do. This runs close to getting people to listen. You cannot brow beat people into doing something. If you do, the job or task may be sloppily performed, or half done. If they do something they don’t want to do, anger, resentment and, rebellion may occur, later.
• To think like you. People think the way that it is good for them, at the time. Your way of thinking may be foreign to them, outdated or slow. Your way of thinking may have stemmed, and developed from your wisdom, experience, teaching and time. People can’t even remotely think like you if they lack those characteristics.
• To act or respond like you. This is almost the same, as thinking like you. People who think a certain way will react according to their thinking process. People’s experiences, teachings and time will come into play as to how they react. A 20-year-old will not react as a 40-year-old. An untrusting person who lived by street laws may not respond like a person who is trusting, law abiding, and follows the rules.
• Be what you want them to be. Times are changing and roles of people are changing. Some people are stuck in stereotypes and old ways of thinking. For example, all grandmothers are not retired; baking fresh cookies, knitting scarfs, while watching Judge Judy. Today, grandmothers continue to work, traveling the world, while writing books and going to the movies, watching Superhero movies. If you think certain people should remain in the roles of past, you may need to open your mind.

Now, the above examples are not referring to a parent attempting to teach a toddler or small child good manners or appropriate behaviors. This is dealing with adults trying to make another adult to change because they think they should change. Especially when both adults are set in their ways. With teenagers and young adults that is an entirely different matter. Yes, you have the experience and time to back you up on your teaching and words of wisdom. Yes, they should listen, act and think like you because experience has taught you. However, there must be an approach to get to them. If you attempt to pound your message to them, they will rebel, if for no other reasons, because they can. They may realize you are correct, but they are attempting to find their own identity, in the world, and become their own person. Young people can be stubborn, try to remember your youthful days.

How do we fight the battles we are supposed to fight?

• God must be involved. Ask Him, if this is a battle that you need to fight. Many of the wars we battle are God’s wars to fight.

You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17 New King James Version (NKJV)

 We must ask God to give you:

• A clean heart and right spirit. Before you go out to teach or educate anyone, you must be right first. You need to remove the gunk out of your heart and mind. If you are filled with negativity, anger and resentment it will leak out and the recipient will know. Get your act together, before taking it out on the road. You think because you are a parent, you always know what is best, that is not always true. That is why you need to pray for a right attitude, with temperance.
• God’s Wisdom. Your wisdom may be influenced by various factors, with your agenda at hand. God’s wisdom will always be sound and balanced. You may have sound wisdom, but with God it can be better.
• Change your behavior- to be able to change the behavior in others. People tend to mimic behaviors. Be a good role model with a positive influence. Sometime this can be better than any words spoken. Lead by example, people will follow.
• Speak comfortably. You cannot go out on a rampage. Sharp, angry words put people in a defensive state. Think about how you would feel if someone approached you, in that kind of manner. A softer, peaceful voice may get more attention.

Stop fighting battles that will end in defeat. And, make sure if this is your battle to fight, you are equipped with a clean heart, wisdom, a changed behavior and a soft voice.